« Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. »
Violence (or pain) and suffering are quite different.
The suffering we feel is often confused with the violence of a specific behaviour, an offensive word…
It amounts to mistaking cause with consequence, origin and effects.
Everything we feel is something we are the only ones to produce, to maintain inside us. Things don’t happen from outside only, they don’t necessarely have a cause outside of us…
(Obviously that doesn’t apply to everything)
We are the owners of what happens to us : sure physical and emotional pain is inevitable but we are the generators and the producers of our own suffering and we must take responsibility for it. It’s often not what someone does that triggers the suffering but how we receive it inside us. Suffering is a choice : it’s what happens when we expect things to be a certain way and judge the discordant outcome as pain. Suffering is a very personal interpretation of pain.
Blaming someone for our suffering, making them responsible for it, without making an effort to make ourselves aware of our responsibility based on the impression it has inside us is useless. The suffering might stay even if we forgive. It is necessary to forgive to the author of the violence but first and foremost, what we need to do is forgive ourselves to have been hurt, helplessly, without resisting, forgive ourselves for all the violence we perpetrate against ourselves. Be tender with ourselves, at last.
I’ve experienced this very recently, letting go of one particular source of suffering, and I’ve never felt so free…
(Apparently they’re called 3 Musketeers in the US; and Milky way are EU Mars bars and US Mars bars are almond Snickers?… now I’m confused…)
Milky way bars
(vegan, raw, grain-free)
70 g cashew butter
60 g almond butter
30 g coconut flour
10 g coconut nectar
your favourite raw chocolate recipe (or any chocolate if you don’t care about the raw thing)
To make the nougat : in a bowl, mix the cashew butter and the almond butter with the coconut nectar and whisk well. Add in the coconut flour little by little until you reach a dough consistency (you might need a little more or less than 30 g depending on how creamy your nut butters are). The dough has to be workable. Spread out the dough in a 15×15 cm dish with the palms of your hands, even it out with the back of a spoon. Let it sit 30 min in the fridge to harden a little. In the meantime, gently melt your raw chocolate : I usually place mine in a small bowl placed itself in a larger bowl with hot water (and wait).
Take the nougat out of the fridge, cut into bars. Using a fork, dip each bar into the chocolate, let drip excess chocolate off and place on parchment paper.
They’re best eaten at room temperature but keep them in the fridge in a airtight container.