« But the result, when all those bitter hours were over, was a strange one. The craving for Bardia was ended. No one will believe this who has not lived long and looked hard, so that he knows how suddenly a passion which has for years been wrapped round the whole heart will dry up and wither. Perhaps in the soul, as in the soil, those growths that show the brightest colours and put forth the most overpowering smell have not always the deepest root. Or perhaps it’s age that does it. But most of all, I think, it was this. My love for Bardia (not Bardia himself) had become to me a sickening thing. I had been dragged up and out onto such heights and precipices of truth, that I came into an air where it could not live. It stank; a gnawing greed for one to whom I could give nothing, of whom I craved all. […]
But when the craving went, nearly all that I called myself went with it. It was as if my whole soul had been one tooth and now that tooth was drawn. I was a gap. »
« Did I hate him then? Indeed, I believe so. A love like that can grow to be nine-tenth hatred, and still call itself love. »
|Psyche revived by Cupid’s kiss, detail, marble, Canova, Musee du Louvre|
These two quotes are the epitome of what has gone through me, the devouring, that selsifh, voracious and possessive love. Not only does it devour us but it also devours the subject of love. It haunted me, night and day. In words, in certain colours, in books, in paintings. I was guilty ; I believed my love was virtuous, more noble than any other. Superior in some way. How I was wrong. I was guilty of having loved wrongly. I fell asleep on that painful self accusation.
The first thought when I woke up was directed to yesterday night : I am guilty. There is the gap, and the fear that it can never be filled.
Jerusalem artichoke and coconut soup
500 g Jerusalem artichockes, peeled
1/2 onion, chopped
2 garlic cloves
200 mL coconut milk
200 mL water
salt & pepper
dried mushrooms (I used these), to serve
hazelnut oil, to serve
Soupe aux topinambours et au lait de coco
(végétalien, sans gluten)
500 g de topinambours, épluchés
1/2 oignon, haché
2 gousses d’ail
200 mL de lait de coco
200 mL d’eau
champignons noirs déshydratés, pour servir
huile de noisette (une tuerie), pour servir
Préchauffer le four à 140 °C. Faire cuire les topinambours sur une plaque en les remuant de temps en temps jusqu’à ce qu’ils soient tendres. Pendant qu’ils cuisent, faire cuire les champignons dans de l’eau bouillante une dizaine de minutes. Les égoutter.
Sortir les topinambours du four et les mettre dans un blender avec le lait de coco, l’eau, l’oignon et l’ail. Mixer jusqu’à ce que le mélange soit lisse. Ajouter un peu plus d’eau (ou de lait de coco) si nécessaire.
Servir avec le champignons noirs et quelques (ou beaucoup) de gouttes d’huile de noisette.